So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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