OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.