literally had 100 drinks last night.
please come you make the beer taste better
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
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If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
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I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy