i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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