I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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