I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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