Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
