i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
