i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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