im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
