Yo dont text me then not text me
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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