It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
