Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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