I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
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Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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