Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
