I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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