I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just found puke in my bra..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
