i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
