Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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