Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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