Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
