hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
