i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
