Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
