Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Randomize
