We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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