I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
