I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
