If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
