if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
