he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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