Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
