Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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