Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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