dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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