At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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