you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
