hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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