She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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