If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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