she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
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You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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