mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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