At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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