True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
