She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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