Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you inspire me to be a worse person
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
