There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
