she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
