i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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