i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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