Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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