He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
