so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
