I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
