So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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