You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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