his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Hippo gnu deer
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
