i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
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