Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
