it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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