So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
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