these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
