If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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