I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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