and you said cock pushups were impossible
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
