I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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