Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
