we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
